Chat
  • me: [gently touches the sleeping cat]
  • cat: [makes a tiny cat noise]
  • me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo ohh noo ohhhhh nooooooo oh no oh nooooo oh my god oh noooo
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allabitofablur:

0-memento-mori-0:

glassbottledemon:

smartinis:

i remember until i was ten, i spelt ‘satin’ like ‘satan’ and i went to a christian school and they called my parents because i wrote ‘satan is soft like a bunny’ and they wanted the priest to talk to me

Satan is glad you appreciate the effort.

Satan uses Garnier Fructis to lock in moisture.

I JUST LOST MY SHIT

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(via carry-on-my-wayward-assbuttt)

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cosmo sex tip #669

raynarvaezjunior:

when you grab his shaft, yell “pull the lever kronk”

(via carry-on-my-wayward-assbuttt)

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bandgeek-tacos-and-such:

ultrafacts:

Source For more facts, Follow Ultrafacts

Actually, before Hitler’s regime, the masculine color was pink and blue was the color for females. This all changed when Hitler started using colored stars to identify the people in his camps, such as yellow for the Jews. Homosexuals were forced to wear pink stars, so pink was then seen as feminine. Long story short, baby boys are wrapped in blue and baby girls are swathed in pink because of Hitler.

bandgeek-tacos-and-such:

ultrafacts:

Source For more facts, Follow Ultrafacts

Actually, before Hitler’s regime, the masculine color was pink and blue was the color for females. This all changed when Hitler started using colored stars to identify the people in his camps, such as yellow for the Jews. Homosexuals were forced to wear pink stars, so pink was then seen as feminine. Long story short, baby boys are wrapped in blue and baby girls are swathed in pink because of Hitler.

(via carry-on-my-wayward-assbuttt)

Chat

At the grocery store

  • Woman: *on cellphone* Why am I leaving you? Why am I--I'll tell you why.
  • Woman: Here's why. You don't respect me.
  • Woman: You called me a whore in front of my children.
  • Me: *says nothing, but has a face like O.O*
  • Woman: You don't respect me. And you know, there some white chick here in the store, she walking, she heard me say that and she make a face.
  • Woman: Because even she know you a piece of shit.
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buzzfeed:

The 31 Realest Tumblr Posts About Being A Women

*stands up*

*salutes*

*applauds forever*

(via times-new-china)

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obamallamatime:

Hello, Police? I accidentally stepped on my cats foot and need to be arrested

(Source: obamallamatime, via carry-on-my-wayward-assbuttt)

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theverylostprincess:

daisyinaglass:

I CAN NOT GET OVER THIS

how does 6 seconds have such a drastic plot twist

(Source: vinegod, via b-laziken)